I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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