Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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