she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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