Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
