just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
