I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
