Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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