he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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