Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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