I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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