the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
