I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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