I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize