she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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