I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
