I am spending my child support on dildos
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
