Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
