Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
