For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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