if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
