I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
