Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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