Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
