I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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