He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
