I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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