she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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