Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
