i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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