but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
