Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
