So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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