do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
