i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
