and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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