**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize