remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize