If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
