I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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