my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
