I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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