it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
