when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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