you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize