I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
