just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
