Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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