go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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