I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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