i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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