if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
