I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
