I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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