Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
