Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
