That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
