I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
