she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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