I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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