Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
