did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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