Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
