How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
