I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
