You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need water and some morals
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize