she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
