It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize