It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
