Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
