I heard we made out
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
