why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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