Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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