i jhust puked up my retainher.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
