two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
