I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
