just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize