Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
