my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
