All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
