you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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