when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
