I am spending my child support on dildos
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
