She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
