good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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