i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do herpes really smell.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
