i think my tv is drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pants are for mortals
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
