I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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