he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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