Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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