I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
