I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
