if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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