I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
