good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
