Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
