I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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