I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
