you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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