I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a hot homeless man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
