Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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