I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
