He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
